Bad Batman, Bad!

Okay, I’m going to deviate from my usual posts to go off on a little rant- after all, thats what a man should be able to do on his own blog right?

I just got back to CP and was flipping through the ga-zillion comcast channels we get here to find a movie I vaguely remember from my childhood; Batman Forever. For some reason I had the damaged recollection that this was actually an enjoyable and creatively done movie, so turned it on for a watch,

Damn, that movie is fucked.

Between Jim Carrey prancing around in a sequined catsuit jabbering like a meth-fiend transexual alien and Val Kilmer spouting endless monotone one dimensional crap dialogue, I was ready to kill whoever had sullied Batman’s good name. You see, I actually like Batman as a superhero, especially in the comics. Those comics were dark twisted murder mysterys and Batman himself was just as fucked up and brutal as any of his enemies. That was art.

And this movie was the complete opposite, an almost-knowingly mocking caricature of a once great icon with the lighting, production, and acting skills of a high school musical. It seems like the first four Batman movies got progressively bigger budgets and flashier actors and progressively worse screenplay, directing, and acting. Why is this? Ah, the classic Hollywood crap-generating machine I suppose, we all know about that.

Batman Begins was pretty sick though.

So stay away from it, or if you like watching the shitiest of movies sometimes like I do then go for it. In conclusion, I present my favorite quote of the movie:

“Joygasm!”

-Jim Carrey, Batman Forever

Beatbox Cooking

This guy, Beardy Man, is frickin amazing. I bet you can’t box a beat better than Beardy!