Worst Lyrics Ever

Is it just me or are pop lyrics getting progressively dumber and weirder? I just started hearing Mariah Carrey’s new single on the radio (Touch My Body), and I still can’t believe how retarded the chorus is:

“If there’s a camera up in here
Then I’d best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
‘Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
‘Cause baby I’m up in my bidness
Like a Wendy interview
But this is private
Between you and I”

Amazing Beer Tricks

for some reason my friend Greg became obsessed recently with popping the bottom out of a beer bottle by hitting the mouth of it with your hand while it had water in it. he said he’d seen someone do it online. after all trying it for like a half hour we all thought it was impossible, but then Joey was finally able to break it. after seeing that, we all were eventually able to do it (except for Greg, ironically). it’ll be a fun party trick to use at some point, as long as the host doesnt care about shattered glass all over their living room. it got me thinking though, theres gotta be a ton of crazy beer tricks you can do, and they’re probably all chronicled on youTube. so, heres what I found:

(oh, and uh try these at your own peril)

Bad Batman, Bad!

Okay, I’m going to deviate from my usual posts to go off on a little rant- after all, thats what a man should be able to do on his own blog right?

I just got back to CP and was flipping through the ga-zillion comcast channels we get here to find a movie I vaguely remember from my childhood; Batman Forever. For some reason I had the damaged recollection that this was actually an enjoyable and creatively done movie, so turned it on for a watch,

Damn, that movie is fucked.

Between Jim Carrey prancing around in a sequined catsuit jabbering like a meth-fiend transexual alien and Val Kilmer spouting endless monotone one dimensional crap dialogue, I was ready to kill whoever had sullied Batman’s good name. You see, I actually like Batman as a superhero, especially in the comics. Those comics were dark twisted murder mysterys and Batman himself was just as fucked up and brutal as any of his enemies. That was art.

And this movie was the complete opposite, an almost-knowingly mocking caricature of a once great icon with the lighting, production, and acting skills of a high school musical. It seems like the first four Batman movies got progressively bigger budgets and flashier actors and progressively worse screenplay, directing, and acting. Why is this? Ah, the classic Hollywood crap-generating machine I suppose, we all know about that.

Batman Begins was pretty sick though.

So stay away from it, or if you like watching the shitiest of movies sometimes like I do then go for it. In conclusion, I present my favorite quote of the movie:

“Joygasm!”

-Jim Carrey, Batman Forever

Beatbox Cooking

This guy, Beardy Man, is frickin amazing. I bet you can’t box a beat better than Beardy!

Tickle Me Harder

Wow.

This is just wrong.

Good grief

Wow… heres some messed up videos for you. I used to love peanuts when I was a kid, so these videos are particularly hilarious to me. Enjoy some good old fashion Charlie Brown humour:

Bring me the head of Charlie Brown:

And heres a mocumentary about Charles Shulz’s illigitamate son:

Classic Peanuts!

Blogs I Heart

Yeah, thought I’d give a shout out to some nice blogs out there, ones that inspired me to make my own. Man… blogs can be addictive, I’ve got like five that I need to check every day or I feel all cold and empty inside.

Heres some music ones:

Create Digital Music- excellent computer music news

Music Thing- weird and crazy music stories

And some other ones:

Gizmodo-technology with a humerous slant

Kotaku- video games with a humerous slant

BoingBoing- random crazy stuff

I’m sure most of you have heard of at least some of these. Enjoy them anyway!

Amazingly bad music videos

Wow, haven’t posted in a week or so, and you know why? My page had gotten a grand total of 3 hits over the course of a month. Really makes you want to pour your heart and soul into a blog, doesn’t it? Anyway, I checked my stats more recently, and I’m actually starting to get some traffic now, thanks to finally being listed in Google I think. Now that I know someone is actually watching, heres some incredibly bad yet oh-so-funny videos for you:

That swedish song actually gets really stuck in my head sometimes. Is that a bad sign? Heres another, who knows what the hell is going on in this….

Don’t Download This Song! (just kidding, you can download it)

Anyone remember Weird Al? I was really into him back in like 5th grade. Hears his latest hit single, a tirade against all those nasty criminals pirating music all the live-long day.

Don’t Download This Song

Speaking of downloaing, apparently Limewire (highly popular P2P client similar to Napster, Morpheus, Kazaa, etc.) has recently been sued. Whats a boy to do? I came across this other nice program, apparently highly similar to Limewire except still free of unwanted legal attention. What are you waiting for? Go to it!

Frostwire

Moooore Hilarity

Yes, I, along with an estimated 2/3 of the world population, like Will Ferrell. He has that amazing knack, found in so few, for playing a complete idiot while at the same time remaining totally serious and dedicated to his character. I watched Talladega Nights last night, and although it was a crappy downloaded bootleg (see article on How to Download Anything), it still had me cracking up. Even Aimee enjoyed it, though she was admitadly a bit tipsy at the time. So anyway, heres a little gem I found from one of his previous cinematic endeavors; I think you’ll recognize which one I’m talking about.

Man, the lyrics to that song are pretty dirty now that I think about it. The song title sounded like some kind of fruity desert when I first heard it. *cue Homer voice* Mmmmm… afternoon delight….

Heres another scrumpcious morsel for your dining pleasure:

The Ten Best Will Ferrell Skits of All Time

Fed up With K-Fed

Okay, so I’m watching the “Teen Choice” awards the other day with my man Erik (don’t ask, we get incredibly bored), and the whole time everyone is hyping up this K-Fed guy and his “landmark” first TV performance at the end of the show. Um…

I am so damn sick of this guy. It was bad enough just hearing about him back when his thing with Brittany was a big deal- now he’s actually on TV? Its like the music industry is purposely trying to disgust me. I hope to god this shit doesn’t get popular because it would mark an all time low for Hip-Hop not seen since the days of Vanilla Ice. Come to think of it, he even looks like Vanilla Ice, sans the whacked out “cube” haircut. Highlights from the video include Brittany’s gum-chewin’ baby-havin’ debacle of an intro, and K-Fed “playing piano” to an obviously pre-recorded beat. “Let me take you back to five o’clock, when I drove my Lamborghini off the block!” His lyrics are so cheesy and generic that I could almost believe he wrote them himself. And whats with all the little-boy dancers? Aren’t rappers these days required to be surrounded by hordes of jaded stripper ladies shakin their “thang”?

AAAAAAaaanyway…

Heres a sweet video of a REAL rapper to wash that nasty taste out of your mouth:

Hilarity, unbridled hilarity

Okay, I know insulting our president has become somewhat of a fad lately(come to think of it, ever since he became our president), but I can’t help myself, this is great. Sometimes I wonder if Bush really is just a well meaning, slightly-dim but damn patriotic farmboy- or if thats just a media front for the conniving evil mastermind that lurks beneath his vacant smile. Either way, he doesn’t seem like the type of person that should be running this country. I guess from this post you can see where my political feelings lie; if people find my opinions offensive then I reply that I find it far more offensive the way this country is currently being run- BIATCH!